An unexpected bonding
by Creep-Moon
Summary: Amy's hurtful memories and past fears resurface while she struggles with the decision of going or not in a proper date with Sheldon.


_**AN: Always a million thanks for Tammy (bigbangenthusiast) for taking time to correct my misspelling and another mistakes. This story main plot makes reference to events that happened during and after "The Robotic Manipulation" (4x1).**_

* * *

It really worked better than I expected. At first I thought it'd be a waste of time to have a meeting with him, as an actual date. I thought it was unnecessary; we comunicate everyday on social media, there was no need of more. No need of uncomfortable face-to-face chit-chat, not that I didn't enjoy our talks, but given the existence of those social websites, there was no need to have dates frequently, as I told him since the very first day that I just date because of my mother and I am sick of it, that maybe later I'd plan something to get rid of my agreement with my mother.

I explained to myself that it could be dangerous for my (at that point) fragile heart, the wall I've built around it to keep people away with their hurtful and sharp claws, away from their judging, selfish and twisted minds around this sick sad world. I concluded that acting coldly and indifferent might help to protect myself from all the pain of the past, the present and the future. Acting like a cynical person who doesn't feel much of things will be my shelter; cynicism, sarcasm and blunt replies and remarks will be my "bestest" friends. But deep inside my core, I'm just being the same little fearful girl, curled up in fetal position, with a wet dress because of the sweat and shed tears, silently crying her heart out, asking to be saved, asking for someone to take pity on her aching soul.

Even the angel of death wouldn't listen to her when she vainly summoned it, locked inside the dark, grim and terrifying place her mother used to punish her for having an "inappropiate" lady behavior, the sin closet, the king between the monsters of her night nightmares.

Since my father left when I was seven, I really hated my mother so intensly. I never believed in hell or heaven, demons or angels, devil or god, but I can say that my childhood was hell. My mother became even weirder than she used to be. She turned violent, severe and colder than usual towards me, screaming things at me I couldn't understand about her and the relationship she had with my, at that point, gone father. With that unhealthy enviroment at home, she made me weak and insecure. That was where all the negative feelings and thoughts that tortured me everyday were born. They were consuming me and eating my soul slowly and painfully. I blamed her for it and every bully that messed up with me, for every time the whole class made jokes and laughed at me, because it was her fault that I was weak and an easy target for mean girls and boys at school; she made me that way. As I grew up, my hate for her grew up too. Sometimes I'd spit the truth at her that she was always denying to hear. I wanted her to feel my pain. She hit me in the face me and locked me in the sin closet for the rest of the day, cursing, yelling at me, and rubbing on my nose that she had quit too much in her life for me, that I was an ungrateful brat kid.

With time all the hormones normalized and equilibrated. The rational side of my brain took control of me. I thought on everything that happened during those years and finally understood that it was such a waste to spend the rest of my life hating, and silently fighting the woman who gave me birth. It was worthless. I have intelligence, and it always wins. Since then I just focused on my target, and worked hard for everything I was willing to accomplish. Of course nothing was perfect, and even if my mother wouldn't lock me in there anymore, I had scars.

Anyway I was mature enough to not sink in hatred, but I had learned my lesson. It was something I'd always think about until the rest of my days as a human being. It is to not trust too much, to keeping the distance between me and people. I admit to feeling sad because I didn't have any friends before Sheldon, but I always tried to be nice and help others as they need it, without caring if they thought that I'm the one who loses because at the end most of them used to tossed me away like and old decrepit useless tissue. I'd never allow anyone to harm me again, like in my childhood and puberty. I always ended up happy because I didn't do anything of that for them; I did all that because of me, because it feels good to help others, even when they don't deserve that help.

Then I realized that I am aging and started to feel empty again, hopeless to find someone who truly likes me and cares about me. Secretly I was craving love, even though I was aware that it was highly unlikely to happen to me. The ones like me - sensitive, caring, and extremely insightful and smart as me are called freaks most of times and end up lonely. However even though Sheldon and I barely know each other, it feels like we've known each other since the day we were born. We are female and male friends. Why would we need to ruin it by doing what everybody else does? He knew that I don't like social conventionalisms, and he thinks so too. That's the conclusion I draw because we both agreed we are the female and male version of both of us. I knew since the very beginning there was going to be something special between us. Something inside me told me not to refuse the invitation.

When I found myself inside the car of Sheldon's friend, I felt terribly uncomfortable with a pretty girl inside the car. It was so weird. She was trying to make us talk, but it'd just freak me the hell out. She's a cheerleader kind of girl. I never thought I'd ever repeat the horror scenes I've seen during those years as a young student. That girl was exactly the epitome of one of the things that made me suffer the most in the past.

I could notice she was trying to force me and Sheldon to talk. She made a compliment about my hair. I felt my heart give a flip. Without even thinking twice, I asked her if she was a homosexual. She answered no to that, which made my excitement to drop a little. How nice it'd be to be complimented by a sexy blond lesbian girl. That would have been so flattering for me.

She kept looking for a conversation between him and me, but nothing would catch my interest or his. Given her failure she started to talk about the place she was born, and I just wished that night would be over.

Later, when we arrived to the restaurant, she kept trying to get me and Sheldon to have a conversation. At the beginning I was still uncomfortable because I'm just an introverted person, not that I needed someone to lead me in a conversation. I am able to properly do that whenever I wanted to.

When she asked me if I date very often, I let her know about my agreement with mother. Surprisingly I let my excitement lead my words again and asked her the same question back. As she answered I found it delightful the way she was trying to make us talk. I was probably wrong to judge her before I got to know her. She was being nice and not realizing about it before made me feel so bad and guilty.

When Sheldon got into the conversation topic, I found Penny more interesting. She had certainty dated a lot of men, which meant that she spoke with the truth. She was not a lesbian. It was a pity because I always found lesbian girl a little intriguing.

As soon as the date was over, she made me exchange numbers. She did call me that night when she arrived home to tell me about how mad she was with Sheldon and me for us wanting her to be the woman who'd carry our prodigy child. I told her that if it was offensive to her that I'd ask to him to end our plans, but she told me she already had it under control.

Eventually we started to become closer and closer. We hung out as friends until that night, in the same restaurant we went the first time, she asked me to be her girlfriend. With that question she melted my frozen heart, and I finally could recognize the meaning of love. Feeling fearless to express what I was feeling for her, I agreed to be her girlfriend.

Since then I've had the time of my life. Thanks to her I have friends too now, and Sheldon and I became closer friends, as he wasn't afraid of having to be physical with a woman anymore. Actually he and Leonard started to be an official couple a year later.

I'm so happy I didn't say no. My life is so different now. No more loneliness, darkness, sorrow. She lightened my life with her presence.

Interrupting my thoughts I hear a key opening our main door knob. I deeply inhaled and drew a big smile in my face, preparing me to receive her with the surprise I've prepared.

When she crossed the door, she dropped the paper bags and ran to my arms, kissing me and crying. I sank my face in her neck and kissed her, then I grabbed her face in my hands and wiped her tears with both of my thumbs.

"Happy 20th anniversary. Thank you for being by my side for all these years," I said, full of emotions.

"I am the luckiest woman in the world, and because of you and your presence in my life, I finally found out who I really am and could settle down and reach my targets as well. You mean too much for me Amy. Thank you for existing I love you a multiverse and more."

"I love you so much too."

With that she started to kiss me and caress me. She defeated me, and I let go, enjoying her touch and losing the last drop of awarence I had about this world.

* * *

 _ **AFN (Author Final Note): Thank you so much for reading. Happy pride month!**_


End file.
